Climbing Out of the Black Hole: My Struggle With Mental Health

Finding Light Through Dark Times: My Journey with Anxiety and Depression

Mental health issues can strike anyone at any time. Even when life seems good on the outside, inner turmoil can take hold if the right triggers are hit. This was my experience a few years ago when, despite my usual cheerful exterior, severe anxiety and later depression took over my life.  

It started when the stress of finishing my PhD thesis collided with financial struggles and a breakup. The pressure to be perfect in my work, which had always driven me, started to backfire. I became obsessed with working constantly, yet made little progress as insomnia set in. A caring friend noticed my decline and intervened, bringing me to a doctor who prescribed sleeping medication so I could rest and reset.

With a deadline extension, I got back on track and submitted my thesis. But new challenges arose months later when I had to make major revisions in a short timeframe, alongside an exciting opportunity to publish in a top journal. My toxic perfectionism hijacked me again, plunging me into relentless anxiety and despair. I turned to unhealthy coping mechanisms like overspending and mixing alcohol with sleeping pills, losing all rational thought. Suicidal thoughts even crept in, tempting me to end the pain.  

Somehow I found running, which helped control my anxiety. I later walked away from my scientific career, realising perfectionism had become a poison. After this breaking point, I slowly rebuilt my life and my sense of self-worth. I was diagnosed with dyslexia and dyspraxia, which finally explained why I'd always had to work so much harder academically than peers. 

While shadows of anxiety and depression still cross my mind sometimes, I've come through the darkness. As starting a new career in education, I strive for progress, not perfection. I'm also a mental health advocate, sharing my story to help others know they aren't alone. Healing is possible. If you're struggling, please reach out. Small steps each day can lead you out of the depths back into light.