Experiences of a Student with undiagnosed Dyslexia

Experiences of a Student with undiagnosed Dyslexia

Throughout this essay, I will explore the impact of assessment on my own learning.   I will reflect on my own experiences as an undergraduate ecology student at University by relating to current learning theories linked to assessment.  I will relate my own learning experiences to theoretical literature to expand understanding of methods of how people learn and how it is connected to assessment.  I will reflect on how forms of assessments that I have experienced have impacted my self-esteem and view of learning.  

McDermott, (1993) defines, ‘Learning is in conditions that brings together and organise a point of contact that allows for particular pieces of information to take on relevance’.  Pedagogy and the interaction between teacher and learner is fundamental to learning. As (Wood et al, 1976 cited in Black 1993) uses the metaphor of ‘scaffolding’ that ‘the teacher provides the scaffold for the building, the building itself can only be constructed by the learner=‘.  According to (The glossary of Educational Reform) assessment is defined as “the wide variety of methods or tools that educators use to evaluate, measure, and document the academic readiness, learning progress, skill acquisition, or educational needs of students.”   Educational assessment is fundamental to the learning process throughout all levels of the educational system.  It is a systematic process of obtaining detailed knowledge on the achievement of learning outcomes, this can, in turn, the necessary detail to enable teachers to adjust subject learning to the appropriate level.   In addition, assessments can demonstrate strengths and weaknesses for particular subjects.  Furthermore, assessments enable teachers to reflect on methods of conveying understanding within the classroom.

As an undergraduate ecology student at University, the form of assessment that I was mostly exposed to was summative assessment in the form of addressing essay questions either as coursework or undertaken in exam conditions.  However, modular assessments were more heavily weighted toward timed essays in exam conditions particularly in the final year of study.   Summative assessments are considered to be a measure of students’ learning at the end of the year or module (Taras, 2005).   Although summative assessments are considered to be the final point of judgement, Scriven (as cited in Taras, 2005) argues that formative assessment is part of the same process as summative assessments and that partitioning these has a negative outlook on the assessment for learning.   Black (1993) highlights that formative assessments are neglected in both policy and everyday practice.  Due to time constraints and emphasis on independent learning, it is apparent that formative assessments are neglected at degree level at University with achievement measured by the outcome of summative assessment.  During my studies, I was exposed to minimal amounts of formative assessment as my academic success was mostly hinged upon an end of modular summative assessment.  Summative assessments using the format of timed essays embrace of advantages such as allowing students to express ideas with relatively few restraints and it involves recall which removes guessing as the student must supply, rather than select a good response.  On the other hand, timed essay questions are time-consuming and students, essay responses are prone to subject bluffing and often reliant of the enumeration of memorised facts with very limited originality.  However, in an attempt to untangle the time pressure implications, Caudery (1990), compared two groups of students with a timed and untimed essay but found no significant differences in scores achieved but indicated that the study was small scale and that further detailed studies are required.  Furthermore, classroom teaching practices may not truly support and in some cases be counter-intuitive outcome (Worden 2009). Considering the heavy emphasis on revision, Worden (2009) found that prewriting corresponded to higher assessment scores whilst revision corresponded to lower scores, therefore, that institutes should review both their teaching practices and assessments.

Although assessments at degree level are logistically demanding by time, I feel that hours of study would not necessarily in the outcome of a 1 to 2-hours assessment.  Furthermore, my performance in exams was impeded by undiagnosed specific learning difficulties in the form of dyslexia and dyspraxia.  Dyslexia can have a detrimental impact on a student’s performance as vocabulary, spelling and handwriting difficulties can impede academic progress (Gregg et al., 2007).  By comparing the writing samples from a group of dyslexic and non-dyslexic higher education student, Tops et al (2012), found that there was a noticeable effect on the quality of the writing. Literature suggests that there are links between dyslexia and essay writing difficulty (Carter 2014). Difficulties are described as ‘organisation composition, handwriting, punctuation and redrafting’ (Carter 2014; Singleton 1999). Singleton (1999) also describes areas likely to present difficulty as ‘legibility of handwriting, speed of writing, the omission of words, research skills, determining relevant content, structuring written material, the correct interpretation of task, accurate copying, proofreading spelling error’.  However, there is a skewed focus on reading rather than writing for dyslexia sufferers within the theoretical literature (Carter 2014).  Many of these writing traits were identified during dyslexia screening that was carried out after my undergraduate studies had finished.

However, I was completely oblivious that my assessment performance was being impeded by these specific learning difficulties.  The exam script from the first two years of the course revealed that there was no uniform pattern in modular assessment performance.  Although this still may be a factor I believed that was the product of the lecturer’s teaching practices and personal empathy towards the module topic.   Hulleman and Harackiewicz (2009) found that encouraging science students to make connections between their lives and taught science course material, increased interest in science and course grades for students.  Whilst, McDermott (1993) reviews in detail the theories and importance of pedagogy. In my final year of the course, I had greater flexibility of module options.  Therefore, I was able to select subjects that I had the greatest interest in and modules that were led by lecturers of which I had developed a rapport during the course of the study.    Despite the timetable of preferred lecture options the array of modular assessments continued to follow a non-uniform trend.  I would also share the exact timetable with another student who was notorious for leaving assignments and revision to the very last minute whilst I would spend more time on both assignments and revision.   In spite of, this student would persistently score higher in both essay assignments and timed essays exams.  I found it infuriating that the contrast in the rt would not be reflected in results.  In a module on British flora, which was my favourite topic and the lecturer that I had the greatest affinity for, provides the best example.  I had spent a number of days working on an essay that I had felt were well researched and structured essay while this other student had not even looked at it until the evening before the deadline.   When the results from the essay were released, this student had scored several grades higher than my assessment score.  This outcome had a detrimental impact on my self-esteem subsequently questioning myself as to whether I was unintelligent or incapable.   Although it wasn’t apparent at the time, it is now obvious that the contrast in work ethic that yielded disproportion assessment grades was likely driven by specific learning difficulties.  

In addition, this disproportion between work ethic and grade outcomes translated into timed essays in an exam environment.  In the exam, I would follow a protocol of spending 5 or 10 minutes in planning on how I would address the question in the essay.   Firstly, I would break down the question and identify what exactly is being asked then brainstorm key information in order to address the essay question.  However, due to difficulties encountered from my specific learning difficulties I often would miss out vital points at this stage then recite them when the bulk of the essay had been written.  This meant the essay structure was severely damaged when I tried to include this information at a later point.  Dyslexia hampers the speed of written work due to lack of fluency.  The assessment report indicates that my free writing speed was 33% below the expected average and under pressure, writing clarity decreased with increasing word omission.  In addition, another product of dyspraxia is limitations in working memory and the ability to sustain attention.   However, there is limited evidence from theoretical literature that connect these specific learning difficulties to performance on a timed essay under exam conditions (Farmer et al. 2012). 

Although, it is clear that both undiagnosed dyslexia and dyspraxia provided a barrier to my ability as a learner.  Additionally, these specific learning difficulties also had a severely destructive influence on my self-esteem.   Despite high levels of punctuality, assertiveness in lectures and hours of independent revision I felt that the level of effort did not proportionately reflect the assessment outcome.  Furthermore, I approached assignments with a high level of perfectionism.  There are many positive attributes associated with setting high standards for work (Bieling et al 2003). On the other hand, being overly self-critical particularly when targets have not been achieved can have a profound negative impact subsequently culminating to mental health issues such as depression and anxiety (Stoeber and Otto 2006).  Most dyslexic students set perfectionistic and unattainable goals exhibiting the associated negative attributes i.e. being overly critical of owns work (Davis Dyslexia Association International).  In my own experience, the perfectionist view to assignments did not yield the desired results but substantially eroded my self-esteem reducing motivation and empathy towards learning.  Which in turn, developed to increased levels of procrastination then subsequently contributing to increased levels of stress and anxiety.  These manifested again during my post-graduate subsequently led dyspraxia screening.

It was only when I submitted a lengthy assignment during my postgraduate upon noticing consistent grammatical errors that my tutor recommended me to undertake screening for dyslexia and dyspraxia.  Until this stage of my academic journey, I was still oblivious to having specific learning difficulties.  However, when the screening revealed that I showed traits of both dyslexia and dyspraxia it came as a relief.  It was likely that these specific learning difficulties provided a major factor to the occasions when I under-performed in timed essays.  The diagnosis completely changed my view to academic learning as I now was able to accept that reading and writing does indeed require greater work ethic as literacy-based tasks require more energy, therefore, taking longer to complete.  My overall self-esteem was no longer eroded to the same extent as I learned not to be so over-critical of myself.  

At the time I had more or less finished my academic studies, the diagnosis dramatically shaped both my view and approach as a learner.  If I had been diagnosed at an earlier stage then I would have certainly approached my undergraduate studies differently.  Firstly, I would have benefited from special education needs support which would allow extra time in exams and proofreading of assignments.  Secondly, the ability of being able to accept that I have specific learning difficulties would reduce the perfectionist approach to work and being overly self-critical.  Finally, my approach to preparing for exams would change to more regular but shorter periods of revision with more emphasis on prewriting.  The diagnosis has also certainty shaped my view as a teacher by increasing awareness of specific learning difficulties and its detrimental impacts on mental health particularly if it remains undiagnosed.  Even, in my limited experience as an educator, it was clear that both tools to diagnose and the more efficient implementation of special educational needs support for such difficulties has substantially improved in recent years.  However, as Carter (2014) thesis concludes, further work is required on approaches for writing pedagogy for pupils with specific learning difficulties such as dyslexia.

 

References

Bieling, P.J., Israeli, A., Smith, J., Antony, M.M., 2003, Making the grade: the behaviourales of perfectionism in the classroom Personality and Individual Differences, 35, 163-178

Black, P. 1993. Assessment Learning Theories and Testing Systems. In: Murphy, P. ed. (1999). Learners, learning and assessment. London: The Open University, Paul Chapman Publishing, Sage Publications.

Carter, Christine 2014 Understanding differences in essay writing experience and essay texts amongst a group of higher education students identified as dyslexic: a view of dyslexia in context. PhD thesis, University of Nottingham.

Caudery, T. 1990 The Validity of timed essay tests in the assessment of writing skills, ELT Journal, 44, 2, 122–131

Farmer, M., Riddick, B., & Sterling, C. 2002, Dyslexia and inclusion: Assessment and support in higher education. Whurr Publishers, London and Philadelphia.

Gregg, N., Colemen, C., Davis, M., Chalk, J,. 2007. Timed Essay Writing: Implications for High-Stakes Tests. Journal of Learning Disabilities. 40, 4. 306-318

Hulleman, C. S., Harackiewicz, J. M., 2009, Promoting Interest and Performance in High School Science Classes, Science, 326, 5958, 1410-1412

McDermott, R.P. 1993. On becoming labelled - the story of Adam. In: Murphy, P. ed. (1999). Learners, learning and assessment. London: The Open University, Paul Chapman Publishing, Sage Publications.

Singleton, C. 1999, Dyslexia in higher education: Policy provision and practice, Report of the National Working Party on Dyslexia in Higher Education, The University of Hull.

Stoeber, J., Otto, K., 2006 Positive conceptions of perfectionism: approaches, evidence, challenges Personality and Social Psychology Review, 10. 295-319

Tops, W., Callens, C., Van Cauwenberghe, E., Adriaens, J., Brysbaert, M. 2012 Beyond spelling: the writing skills of students with dyslexia in higher education, Reading and Writing, 26,5, 705–720

Websites

The Glossary of Educational Reform http://edglossary.org/assessment/ : Accessed 23/10/2017

Davis Dyslexia Association International: Common Characteristics of Adult Dyslexia https://www.dyslexia.com/about-dyslexia/signs-of-dyslexia/common-characteristics-of-adult-dyslexia/ : Accessed 25/10/2017

The Monkey Mind: My Struggle With Anxiety and Letting Go

A few years ago, I suffered from severe anxiety. Although I might have appeared to be my usual buoyant self, it was eating away inside me. When the anxiety finally subsided, I found myself in a rut of depression. I never really spoke to anyone about these mental health issues. However, I was lucky that running, parkrun and a strong network of friends and family (most of which were unaware of the state of my mental health) got me through the worst of it. Even today, I still have days where I feel depressed, worthless and unable to evade a negative mindset. 

The first time I experienced an anxiety attack was in 2012. My life was consumed in the writing of my PhD thesis, also pressured by project collaborators to produce detailed auditable datasets and having to respond to publication deadlines. This was indeed a stressful time, but I managed to just get through each day. Then stress levels were taken to the whole new level to manifest into severe anxiety when I started to run out of money as my scholarship had finished and a relationship had broken down. The synergistic effect of these factors sent me into an anxiety black hole. I didn’t sleep for three whole days because I became obsessed with work. Every second that I spent not working filled me with guilt. My anxiety worsened as my work productivity became rapidly impeded due to intense sleep deprivation. Luckily, a friend had noticed that I was suffering and took me out for food. I saw a doctor and was prescribed sleeping pills to help me get back into a regular sleeping routine again. I was granted a 3-month extension which allowed me to get back on top of work. I managed to submit my thesis in January 2013 and immediately secured work which alleviated some of my stresses. 

If we fast forward 9 months, I had just returned from Canada and I had just 3 months to complete my thesis revisions. Following my experiences with anxiety I struggled to even look at my work, let alone work through the extensive list of revisions. In addition, the results from my research in Canada had a new light and my supervisor wanted it to be written up for Nature journal. If you are not aware, Nature is probably the most prestigious journal for a scientist to publish their work. The impending deadline for thesis corrections and a deadline for Nature submission started to send me back down the road to severe anxiety. I followed a similar trajectory as the first bout of anxiety resulting in me acquiring another course of sleeping pills. I felt very alone, consumed by negativity and a feeling of self-worthlessness, I wanted it to end. I also started to drink heavily whilst on these sleeping pills (even though the doctor was clear NOT to consume alcohol whilst on the course of these pills). However, when you are stuck in the abyss of anxiety/depression you lose a rational way of thinking. I started to spend erratically on my credit card and I lost any concern about my physical health. I wanted it to end and eventually, my mind was shrouded with dark thoughts of ending myself. I cannot recall how I initially climbed out of the rut, but I discovered running as a means of controlling stress and anxiety. After this experience, I decided to walk away from my scientific career. 

The root of my anxiety was derived from perfectionism. Basically, the work standards that I had set myself were not achievable this impeded work and creates anxiety. To summarise, perfectionism is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, perfectionism motivates people to give their best. On the other, perfectionism makes people despair and doubt themselves. Moreover, perfectionism is associated with various psychological problems such as stress, anxiety and depression. If you ever research ‘perfectionism’ you are often directed to a novel called ‘Zen And The Art Of Motorcycle Maintenance’ by Robert Pirsig. In this novel, Robert Pirsig describes “the old South Indian Monkey Trap”. The trap “consists of a hollowed-out coconut, chained to a stake. The coconut has some rice inside which can be grabbed through a small hole”. The monkey’s hand fits through the hole, but his clenched fist can’t fit back out. Tempted by the rice, the monkey reaches in, grabs a handful of rice and is suddenly trapped. He is not able to see that it is his own fist that traps him. He rigidly holds on to the rice, because he values it. He cannot let go and regain his freedom. Perfectionists are a little like this, getting trapped by their own habits with an inability to let go or see past them. Perfectionists need to rethink their own values and decide whether they are going to continue to be trapped by these values or free themselves. 

Although some of these experiences still come back to haunt from time to time, I have managed to rebuild myself and just completed my teacher training. However, there were times that my perfectionist mindset got caught up into lesson planning, but you realise that not all lessons that teach will be great. In addition, I am now a mental health champion for England Athletics with the goal to help and support people through difficult times. If you have any specific questions then please comment or send me a private message.

REMEMBER TO STRIVE FOR PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION!

The yo-yo-ing weight story

Just a bit of a background of myself.  I have probably spent most of adult life obese with a BMI greater than 30.  Since moving away from home to go to university 8 years prior I lived a quite an unhealthy lifestyle which resulted in obesity.

In the summer of 2010 at the age of 26, I weighed approximately 110 kg.   I didn’t think much of it until I was on a night out with some friends.  One of my friends who is in the military poked me in my belly and said, “you need to sort that out.”   That message became embedded into my head and the next day, I entered the Conwy half marathon.   The race was 4 or 5 months ahead and during that time I did not drink, any alcohol even touched a takeaway and avoided all sugary foods.  By the time of the Conwy half, I had dropped several waist sizes and a whopping 20 kg and managed to complete the course in 1hr47.  The following year, I have completed my first ever marathon (Snowdonia) in 4hrs.

Fast forward to 2012, I was thick in the writing up my PhD thesis.  My funding had finished and because I was technically still in full-time education I was not entitled to any benefits support.  Despite some short-term income I was living on fresh air and reliant on support from my parents.  My mental wellbeing was plummeting which rapidly and was completely consumed with severe anxiety.  The anxiety would often prevent from sleeping for consecutive days.  The cause of the anxiety was the impending deadline of my write up.  Anxiety also impedes any form of rational thinking and I began to slip into an unhealthy style of regularly drinking sugary energy drinks, eating convenience food and heavy drinking.  Over the number of months, I started to put on the weight and ended up back to near my pre-2010 weight.

Recently, I was diagnosed with dyslexia, dyspraxia and mild ADHD (this is another story) but these make me a prime candidate for someone who suffers from anxiety.

In 2013, I was lucky enough to get a science research job overseas (all expenses paid).  I worked long hours and thought very little about getting back into a healthy lifestyle until after I returned to the UK and was introduced into parkrun.   In November 2013, I completed my first parkrun in 31 minutes.   This was the catalyst to get back into training to better my time each week.  I wrote a blog piece on my parkrun progress http://markcoop84.blogspot.com/2014/02/parkrun-time-improvements.html

I also starting to lose weight at a healthy rate of 2lb per week (see link for more details http://markcoop84.blogspot.com/2014/02/getting-slimmer.html )

Then this was all put on hold when I went overseas again to carry out more scientific research but this sandwiched a personal challenge of completing 10 half marathons within a calendar year with the final half being Conwy half (where it initially started) in a PB of 98 minutes.  I had also become quite savvy with my healthy eating particularly after reading Tim Ferris – 4-hour body.  I followed a slow carb diet which resulted in further weight loss without any obvious muscle wastage to approximately 77 kg.  see this blog post http://markcoop84.blogspot.com/2015/07/weight-loss-story-first-draft.html 

The following year, I ran a half marathon PB in Exeter just on the wrong side of sub-90.  I entered NSRRA and eventually finished as runner-up in a very competitive group.  I also ran three marathons that year including running a PB in Snowdonia.  The following year, I began training for London.  The training plan took my fitness levels increased to a whole new level running a new parkrun PB in 19:07.  Unfortunately, my marathon training became hindered when I work longer and more obscure hours.  I also, I went to my best mates wedding in Australia and on my return, a nasty chest infection meant that my London marathon dream had to be shelved until the next year.   I was a bit distraught and never really got back into serious regular training or competitive in NSRRA.  The following year I was still working in obscure hours in Manchester so rarely got into regular training routine although I managed to avoid slipping back into bad diet habits.  The following year, despite being undercooked in training, I ran the London marathon.  I loved the whole London experience, and this convinced me to change my job and move back to Stoke-On-Trent on a permanent basis.   I was started to up my training and bag PBs at both 5k and 10k distance and ultimately winning my NSRRA group on the final race of the season.

This now brings me to my current situation.  In the last months, I have completed my teacher training which has consumed all my time.  During term time, I was regularly working more 80 hrs per week which meant that my running has been put back on the back burner.  I also, unfortunately, slipped back onto unhealthy dietary habits resulting in a gain of three stone. 

I have set myself the target of dropping this recent weight gain and improve my fitness levels to run another parkrun PB.   I know this is going to be a challenge but the outcome will be well worth it.